Is it “Low” or is it “Lous”? The usual question with a somewhat confusing answer. But with any country—especially one who used to be under colonialist rule—you want to make sure you’re pronouncing it correctly. So here is a very short explanation of which can (and has) be(en) a long discussion. To start with, the French added the “s” at the end. In fact, that’s probably all you need to know. Something to do with alphabet or whatever.
Doesn’t matter. What matter is that Lao people (not “Laotion”) who speak Lao (not LaoS) call it Lao (they never had an “s”); in fact, I don’t think that sound even exists in their vocabulary. So what the general consensus is is that if you’re speaking to someone from Laos (who is Lao), you would simply say “Lao” and not* pronounce the “s”. If you and I were speaking (Westerners, mostly), we could say Laos (with the “s”), as none of us would be offended. But to show upmost respect, it’s Lao. Although it should be mentioned that every Lao person (again, not “Laotion”) I asked just laughed and/or shrugged and said “Whatever.” They don’t care. It’s all easy-peasy around here. Which leads me to…
Do not show up here with a) a schedule or b) an appetite. A schedule because everything moves incredibly slow here. Like… crawls. Bus timetables, meetings (“LST” Lao Standard Time is the common excuse for being late), “Even the name of the money (kip) is British slang for a nap” laughed Andrew. Slooooooooowwwww. And it used to be quite enjoyable. A novelty, almost. I remember back in 2008 when the pace (or lack thereof) here was a perfect antidote to having lived in Shanghai for four years. Everyone walks around like they’re high and it was such a vibe. Unfortunately, now with iPhones or whatever, what used to be a lazy gaze up from a hammock and slow walk up to you to get (whatever you were there for) done is now almost a catatonic society who simply don’t look up any more.
Before, there was nothing taking up visual and audible space. You'd be heard. You'd be seen. It'd take a while to get everything moving, but it’d be done. Now? Well now it's at the point of almost unbelievability. And we’re not talking teenagers who have to work in their parents’ shops. Fine. I get it. It’s annoying to us, but I’d do the same. No, it’s the people my age, if not older, working in government jobs or famous sites that you have to buy tickets for, face down in their phones. I began timing how long it’d take for someone (again; middle-aged employee here) to notice. My highest was 42 seconds. Of standing there. In front of them. Even the border guards before I crossed over into Vietnam were on a 2-hour lunch break. Offices were open. Computers were on. Gate was open. It was almost hilarious. But that’s Lao. The French used to say:
"The Vietnamese plant rice, the Khmer stand there and watch, and the Laotians listen to it growing."
As for not showing up hungry, kind of alone the line of the same lines… combined with the overall pace. It’ll take 4-5 minutes for someone to come over to hand you a menu. 10-15 before they come back. 20-30 before the food arrives. And god help you if you expect them to come over and America every 5 minutes making sure you’re doing alright. Once you know this, it’s fine. But should you be heading over there… come prepared.
Did you know there are only five Communist countries in the world remaining these days? This seems like such an 1980s conversation to have, right? (Although, I’d sure wish we gave Red Dawn as much respect as we do Nostradamus.) But I didn’t know this about Laos. I didn’t know this until I snapped that above photo and thought “Wait. What?” But here’s the strange thing—or maybe it’s not and maybe someone can explain it to me—but it’s officially Laos Democratic Republic. So how can it also be Communist? I don’t even have a clue. And was being honest when I asked for an explanation. Send me your thoughts and I’ll include it in this post. I’d blow it up and hang it on a billboard like they do with socialist anti-drug campaigns here, but you’ll remember I resigned from my job and live off of the money this project makes me so I can't afford you a billboard and I’m super sorry about that.
Per the final thought (or rant or whatever these are), I was going to write about the UXOs in the country—the undetonated bombs dropped by us Americans in the 60s/70s—but as my trip in Laos continued, I would learn (and see) more about them and think that, even though I’m not a good historical storyteller, what I found out was worth its own bigger story, so we’ll do that in the next issue.
So that’s it! A request to be respectful to the people of Laos. A tirade against their laziness. And a reminder that the US’s actions made Laos the most “bombed country in the world”. If you don’t hear back from me, it’s because I took that ambassador / cultural attache role!
x
*Which means as much as I wanted to and as clever as I felt coming up with it, there’s nowhere to use the phrase “Not all who wonder are Laos”—even though it was brilliant. Yes, thank you.
